Am I the only one that finds myself getting angry when God answers prayers? I know that sounds silly but hear me out. Lately I have been praying for God to realign my sights for Him. I have been asking God to show me the areas of my life that need to be adjusted back toward Him. Then when I start seeing signs of the areas that need change I want to throw a fit and make excuses for why I need those things in my life. I find myself wanting to tell the creator of the universe what would work best for me. When putting in words in front of me it all sounds so silly. I just wish it would seem just as silly when I am living out my life. I truly long for all that I do to be pleasing to God. My hearts desire is to live a life worthy of His call. Yet, at the same time I feel like such a double minded being because I find myself wanting to live by my rules and guidelines. I guess I just need to give up and give in to the grace of God that surrounds my life.

Here I am, broken, alone.
I would say sorry,
To the king of kings,
It simply is not enough.
Words cannot mend,
Hearts must be pieced.
Emptiness I sought,
Emptiness I wrought.
I received what I brought.
Your grace is sufficient for me,
Your grace is all I need.
Hold me like a the infant I am.
Feed my soul, restore my life.
There Once was a time I ran,
now to barely crawl I pray.
Kneeling at the foot of the cross,
Your blood runs clean.
I feel it invade my every depth.
The pieces which were,
Are now the whole of me.
You paid the price,
For my shortcomings.
Never did I deserve it,
Never did you deserve it.
It was my hands which pierced and bruised perfection.

...

I saw the tear stream down your face

It was then I knew you would never be the same

He had taken your heart only to loose it along the way

Reached into your soul with a hand which could not grasp

The pain grew inside to leave room for nothing more

I wish I could take away the hurt

To heal a broken spirit is all I plead

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I wish I could pick up all the broken pieces for you.

It kills me to know your pain.

I am here for you, I just need you to know

To mend a broken soul I plea

I will be here waiting for the pieces of you

Maybe one day you can be whole again

Waiting for you I am willing to do

Praying for you

Knowing we will see it through

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I see your daunting stares, I hear your heavy whispers

You assume you have figured me out, you assume you know my ways

Pretty presumptuous of you, your bumptious little ways

You try to make your lies define the truth of me

I wish you could see past the pain in your eyes.

Your words will not hurt me, but they are destroying you.

The world must look so small to a mind like you.

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Two long years have passed us by, we will never be the same

Your memory lingers in all our minds

The pain hides just behind our eyes

Will we ever be set free

A moment that changed my life

Bitter toward life, forgiving of life all in the same

Wish I could see the answers we need

Wish I could hold the hearts together

Questions that will never be answered

Helps us free us

Lets us dance

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Blind faith and un-abandoned love

speechless words and heavy hearts

The beat of the soul the rhythm of the mind

Metronomes that cannot be seen

the beats beats beats we all feel and try to deny

the love for this feeling that all we run from

Margins

Some of my writings from the margins.

These are just some of the strings of thoughts which tend to fill my mind. They do not always make sense or even seem to mean anything. But, like I have stated before they are just words which I need to get out. Enjoy

Windows rolled down

Music wide open

No words even spoken

Times like these bring it all back

I held your hand and we made it through

Side by Side we let out our battle cries

Fighting for our lives

Smiling for our highs

Full of empty rhymes and tattered lines

Hold me tight all through the night

The storm is raging and alone I cannot take it

My mind is racing

My heart sounds of thunder

Can your whispers ease the pain

Right now I should be working on stuff for school, but my mind is a million places. I figured I would give myself some breathing time and do what I do best, ramble. It is a beautiful day today. I would love to sit in the park and eat some grapes but I guess I have to wait 3 more weeks to do that. School always becomes a difficult task for me at this time of year. When the weather warms up my mind says summer and summer means reading for pleasure not for work. But I guess I just have to push through and as someone once told me, "grind for it." Another problem that comes along with this apathy is when I feel this way I begin to question everything. I guess I am just looking for an excuse not to do what I need to. When I do not want to do school work, I let my mind wander into questioning what it really means to get a formal education. I start quoting Earnest Gaines' A Gathering of Old Men. Saying things like it is not a class room which teaches us but rather a life lived well. Then I have to remind myself that it was in a classroom that I learned about A Gathering of Old Men being anti-education. I wonder how Gaines feels about that? When it comes down to it I am very thankful to be at LSU. Many people would love the opportunity to receive a formal education from an university. I just wish I could get my mind to focus and get all of my school work done. I guess that is what I shall go do now.

On The Margins

Welcome to my blog. My goal in writing on this is for you to leave with more than you came with. Recently I have found myself wanting an outlet to share my writings through, while reading a friends blog I realized this would be a great place to start. My head tends to be full of ideas, stories, and one line remarks. I am always looking for an ear, a piece of paper or even a wall to throw my thoughts towards.

I have titled my blog "On The Margins" because that is where most of my writing occurs. During class and while doing homework I often find myself full of strings of words that I must get out. I tend to jot these down on the margins of my notebooks. I plan on publishing a book about my high school and college years under this same title. I will compile what I have written in my notebooks into a story of my journey through these years. I hope that this blog will help me start putting together my story.