At this point in time I am employed at a tire shop. No, I do not change tires. I manage the office and attempt to keep track of the tire guys. I am the only female that works there and I love it. I hate drama, gossip and other girly things. For the most part the guys there treat my like a princess and if you know me you know I do not mind the attention. :) Most of that is beside the point of this post. Sitting in that office gives me a lot time to think and I have a tendency to let my thoughts wander. Day after day I see these guys trapped in a life they hate. I watch them make meaningless conversations and fill voids with empty vices. I see them work 60 hour weeks to barely make ends meet. Watching this weighs heavily on my mind. I hate seeing people in what seems to be a hopeless situation. I do not think they are trapped simply because of where they work. It is just that I know that no matter where I work, go to school or preform any activity in life I belong to God and I walk in His calling. Aside from my boss, none of the men working there walk with the Lord. It just breaks my heart to see people searching for something when the answer is right in front of them. Often, I find myself trying to explain to them why I am happy with my life and I feel like they cannot understand. It has little to do with what I am doing but rather why I am doing it. It is my prayer that the life I lead leaves a mark on the people I work with.

Hot days hot days

Today begins my favorite time of the year, summer. I love everything about it, sundresses, skirts, sunshine, reading for fun, family vacations, movie days with my mom, becca-lauren-Jesus-coffee dates, hanging out with the coolest little kids in the world(that are not so little anymore), crawfish boils, late nights with friends and the list could continue on and on. Summer for me is always a time to refresh and refocus. I feel like a small child when summer roles around; I just want to put on my swimsuit to go play in the sprinkler. I wish summer still meant sleepovers with friends, slip n sliding all day, building cars, making forts out of holly bushes and riding bikes all day. Even though those days have passed I still love summer. There is just something magical about these days. I pray to never lose this feeling. It is my hope that no matter where I find myself in life I still take time to breathe in the beauty of this season.

Before I let you read these I figured I would share a little. These writings I have on this post are a little sad but this does not mean I am depressed. Often, when I share "heavy" things people tend to worry. I find it to be a very healthy expression of who I am to share my sad thoughts. I tend to be a super passionate person and sometimes with passion comes a wide range of emotions. I find it one of the most healing things to put my thoughts into written words. My stringed words are not always an accurate representation of what I am going through; rather, these words just display an emotion I have felt or a situation I have seen another walk. I find emotions to be a beautiful aspect of human beings. I wish as people we were not always so afraid of them. I find the most confident people are the ones that never seem afraid to show how they feel.

There is this place deep within,

Where the lies end and tales fade.

There is this depth where only truth can speak.

This battlefield rages in my mind through all

All the false truths all the pain

It all prevails, it all kills

Kills a piece of me every time you through the dagger

I wish I could lie to myself

I wish I could believe their stories.

Just feed me truth and I will leave

No matter the pain no matter the selfish gain

I want truth, in truth there is love

And that is what I want to know, where this love belongs

I need to be held I need to know I belong

running this world so alone so lost

Where did I lose myself when did I escape to this land of misbelief

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You held my hand, promised it would be forever

You touched my heart, said you would never leave

I have forgiven so many times

I have dismissed all your lies

This time I am done

I cannot erase what you have begun

I am starting over, beginning a new

This time I will not include you.

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You promised to be my hand to hold

You promised to be what you knew you could never be

Why did you let such a fragile heart fall

You looked me in the eyes to promise you cared

You looked me in the eyes only to lie

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The pain in her eyes could kill an angel

The one living inside

She put her trust out for grabs

She gave her love for you to have

Such a beautiful soul spread out on the ground

Such a beautiful spirit crying for more

You lead her on, tore her down

You used and abused to toss aside

Selfish people left to their own demise

I wish they could see the war they’ve waged

Broken people left to make a new

Broken hearts up for keeps, let her be

Cause my feet just take me where they’ve been before

And those are places I can't go anymore

I just want to be used by you

I want to walk in your calling

I here you whispering my name, daughter my bride daughter my bride

I just want to be used by you

Father train my feet train my heart

I don’t want to be broken anymore

I hear you whispering my name daughter my bride

My feet want to take me where they’ve been before

And those are places I can’t go anymore

My heart is breaking and mind can’t take it

Lord just lead once more